What can you expect? Straight talk, laughable humor, real truth, simple living, and passionate yearning...
all regarding the God that still involves Himself in the details of the lives of His people
A calling to write what He leads, no matter how uncomfortable...
Because simple daily Christian living is never what we thought it would be
You almost had me there…but you went and crossed the line. The one thing that I absolutely know for sure, without a doubt of any kind, is that the Lord loves me. When you spend a lifetime with someone, no matter what the successes and failures are, you just know. He loves me! He has stayed with me in my ridiculousness even when it completely humiliated Him. He has stayed with me in my immaturity and my real failures. He stayed for me, because He wants to, because He loves me!
Nice Job, Satan!
There are so many expectations. And, there are so many rules to follow…things taught by parents, by churches, and by God Himself. I have spent my lifetime wandering in and out of these expectations. And, in the last decade, have grown to a level of mastery that seems almost quite consistent. Yet, I am broken today. Weak in strength and discouraged that I will never be what God has intended. That this day, like a majority of others, I fall short of His expectations and He is sad for me in my failure. I am tired and broken and He is surely disappointed with me.
How can it be that the things which I prioritize, the things that I desire most, seem to get pushed to the back so often? How is it that when I lay at night weighing out my day…that I am always so annoyed with myself? Although I spent earnest time with You today Lord, in morning devotions…
And although my husband and I came together to genuinely seek Your face and Your guidance…
And, although I have truly and honestly kept Your commandments and obeyed Your laws…
And although I have desperately tried to be as much like You as I possibly can be…
I feel worthless and ashamed.
My mind is filled with the errors of today. They run over and over like a vividly enhanced colored film…with no way to shut them off. And, if I allow myself to ponder them, a flood of my life’s mistakes wash over me and I drown in a whirlpool of ‘should haves’ and ‘shouldn’t haves’. What a failure. What an absolute failure.
Why do You even stick with me Lord?
Why do You waste Your time on someone as worthless as I?
I am completely hopeless. I am so tired and though I have tried…really, really tried, I do not see how I can become what You desire.
How is it that You love me?
Do…You still love me?
Okay, satan, now…you…have…certainly…gone…too…far.
You almost had me there…but you went and crossed the line. The one thing that I absolutely know for sure, without a doubt of any kind, is that the Lord loves me. When you spend a lifetime with someone, no matter what the successes and failures are, you just know. He loves me! He has stayed with me in my ridiculousness even when it completely humiliated Him. He has stayed with me in my immaturity and my real failures. He stayed for me, because He wants to, because He loves me!
He really, really loves me…even in spite of myself.
I don’t have to choose to believe that any more. The proof is now just part of me: part of the outcome of all of the experiences that we have shared together: Part…of our intimate relationship.
The Lord Jesus Christ loves me…and you, you slithering serpent, just pushed too far when you tried to make me question that!
So dark one…how much more of this is just a lie?
How many more of the things that I am feeling are just ideas that your deceitful lips have been whispering?
Am I broken?
Am I tired?
Am I wounded?
Am I hopeless?
Am I too weak to continue?
The answers are no, yes, yes, absolutely not, and never. Of course I am tired. Who isn’t? But, I am growing and learning and always progressing forward. I am moving closer and closer to my Lord. I feel His warmth, I see His light, I know His love. No matter how tiring or painful or slow…the progression forward cannot be considered failure. And, how can I be too weak to continue if Christ never weakens…because He is my strength?
I rely on Him.
He has never failed me.
He will never fail me.
He alone is my strength and I can do all things when I rely on Him.
Hopeless, now that’s a big one for me. This one is so easy for satan to use against me. Satan, you should be ashamed of yourself for always trying the same one; for always using the easy one. And besides, though it is natural for me to cave in to this one, God has taught me the weapon to use against it. He reminds me that everyone is hopeless. That He alone is Hope, and that my hope is in Him. My hope is not measured in my own accomplishments or the resulting feelings that come with those accomplishments (or lack thereof)…My hope is in the Lord.
I focus on His face to find my hope.
I will continue to focus on Him and then try to see myself through His eyes so that I am a better judge of me…of my day.
And, what I have failed at…truly failed at, I will repent to a forgiving God.
And, I will not, absolutely will not, let you… you sly lying snake…make things out to be bigger in my mind than they really are.
Oh you make me so mad…and, I fall for your deceit so often!
So I am not broken!
I was born broken at birth, but I am forgiven.
And now I am still on a path to righteousness…though my path has been twisted and my journey has been winding.
I still choose You, Lord, every day.
So, in my brokenness, I am not broken.
I can take more Lord…for You are my strength.
Turn the fires up and purify me more brilliantly.
Let the floods come and the waters rise and wash me more thoroughly.
Touch me more deeply so that I may know You more completely.
Sanctify me wholly Lord.
My strength, my hope, my desire is completely in You Lord
Nice job, satan. You almost really got to me today. But instead, I now know more clearly and am wiser than before. It was cleaver for you to use a new person, with new insults. Oh yes, and how they brought up all the old familiar doubts. I will watch for you and will be better able to see you coming for me the next time. Yes, I definitely know there will be a next time. Because evil one, you like to roam to and fro just seeing who you can devour. But the Lord of my life, the God of all creation, and the compassionate Holy Spirit will protect me every time you attack, just as they have protected me today.
Today I have let all of my failures and all of the lies of my past dissolve. And I have become stronger.
So… I will be on guard to not believe the new lies you try to whisper to me tomorrow.
In obedience
Rhonda D Loucks